Hi! - welcome to the only site on the web by an Italian-Ukrainian American woman, who is married to a Glaswegian-Dundonian Scotsman, and living in Musselburgh, Scotland [I've got the copyright]!

Big fat disclaimer: This site is constantly under construction, and these dead old links I've imported over from the previous site are in the middle of being updated. But you really shouldn't complain. I mean, this page has a dancing pig header - what more do you want?!?

Welcome to the re-re-re-opening of Paula's Purple Palace (aka Paula's Purple Pages), chock full of things that don't suck. In honour of us finding a new ISP (almost two years after the last time the pages were updated!), they've barely changed at all. Enjoy! Or not. No pressure. Just on me... I'm gonna run out of "re"s if I keep laming out updating the site.

The boss and Big Bully Wee Dave, 28 July 1995

"So, Paula, what the hell have you been doing for the past two years?", I hear you asking. Well, I'm glad you asked, dear reader, 'cos I'm gonna tell you anyway, nyah nyah.

Just to show that things don't always stay the same, I am no longer the scapegoat flunky for the Salt of the Earth Project, though the website I designed (of which I am duly proud - damn, that HTMLing by hand took ages!) still remains for posterity. I do miss the fact that it was highly ironic for an American to be the administrative assistant for a Scottish history project. Chew on that, Alanis.

I got a clue though and left to work for EDINA as a computing support person, thus making my mother feel like she was right saying I should have gone course 6 at MIT. Shyeah right, like there weren't enough of you as it was! I just absorbed all your knowledge and used it for my own nefarious purposes, mwahahahaha.

Then just for fun (as if), I got part of my colon taken out. Click here to see Frankenscar in its full colour glory, one week after the fact. But maybe not after you've just had a huge meal or anything like that. Definitely not for the faint of heart or stomach. Crohn's disease? Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, no matter how tempting that is.

As for what I do in my copious spare time... as you may know, I'm into music. Lots of it, all the time. I have a special weakness for trashy 80s pop music - no matter what anyone says, my fave pop bands certainly don't suck... IMHO, that is. If you're intrigued, click here. Guaranteed 100% lite-metal-and-house-music-free. To go straight to the Hellacious House of Harperism, my own personal tribute to Nick Harper, click here. And if you said "whooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO?", then you really NEED to click here.

I'm into art 'n' stuff. Click here to enter a land of buxom redheads and impeccable design sensibilities.

Though I can't afford this as much as I once could, I'm into Beanie Babies. No, technically, I'm IN a pile of Beanies that's taller than I am, which admittedly isn't difficult to imagine. When we move, I have to box 'em using a shovel. Learn more about my addiction here. And my favourites are the teddy bears, thanks for asking.

I'm into other cutesy-wootsy stuff too. It's a genetic defect passed on by my beloved grandmother... THE CUTENESS GENE. Makes you stand in a store looking at a shelf full of teddy bears, shouting out to anyone in earshot, "Ooooooooh, these are so CUUUUUUUUUUUTE!" For example, there's the wonderful world of Sanrio. Remember Hello Kitty? Remember Little Twin Stars? Bet you thought they lived in the netherworld of Rubik's Cubes and deely boppers. You, my friend, would be wrong. Walk this way to worship at my Sanrio shrine, and let Badtz-Maru kick your arse. Cuteness tempered with fear is more interesting. Just like Milk and Cheese. Get boozed up and riot with the dairy products gone bad...

Since credit has to go where credit is due, I stole my piggy from those dudes Jack 'n' Katie at Happy Meal, a wicked (though sadly defunct) vegan straight-edge skateboard zine. Go directly to their site - do not pass go, do not collect $200 - and damn the consequences. They definitely do not suck. I love them 'cos they haven't updated this site in longer than it took me. You can check out Jack's more recent Apple news/views/wicked humour site here.

The next train to arrive at this platform will be... links to more kewl pages (but don't hold your breath - you might turn blue).

Finally, I'd like to thank my family and friends for all their help, especially David, who probably wants to kick my butt for all the time I spend on the computer. It's for world peace, babe, just remember that... love ya!

All I've been doing lately is silly net quizzes, so enjoy 'em below. What up with my geek factor... 25%? Damn I'm not working hard enough... but check me, I'm Drew Barrymore in Poison Ivy!

You are 25% geek

OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

You are The Cabin Boy:
You, me lad, are an activist! You will not only change the world, you will make a dyed-in-the-wool Pirate dream of you in a sheep costume. You are the embodiment of the love that dare not hoist its sail! Ahoy thar! You could make a two-patch Pirate turn his head - but then he would lose sleep over it and what good would that do anyone? An innovator, you are WAY ahead of your time - and everyone else's. You are sensitive and artsy-fartsy. You say things like, "artsy-fartsy" but there is always a slight giggle in your voice when you say it - like Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares delivering a staggering punch line. Speaking of "punching" the only "punching" you would do is punching up that outfit with some accessories - say, a little bandana and some glass beads. You're not the Pirate we want in a fight, but we want you there for the crying game that follows! You go, girl!

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

A PIZZA! Woo-hoo! You've a keen eye for taste and variety, and you're not afraid to try something new!
Your friends know they can count on you for good dining suggestions!
Whatcha having for dinner? brought to you by Quizilla

You are 47% Capricorn

You are 87% Aquarius

You Are Green Bean Casserole Soda

Vegetarians taste better!

Independent and adventurous. You don't want much; just to break out of the guilded cage society has put you in and experience life to the fullest. Following orders isn't really one of your strong points, and you would rather live a life of poverty than being forced into something that you hate. (from Which Disney Princess Are You?)